You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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