I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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