It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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