fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
