I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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