when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
