stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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