So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
