Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
