I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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