I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
