so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
