I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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