Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
