I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize