Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
