The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
