i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
