I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
