one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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