Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
