Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
