3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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