The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Operation Purity has been aborted
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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