Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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