He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
