Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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