Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
