I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
