I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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