Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
