Too much gin, very little bucket
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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