So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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