Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
