if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
