would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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