You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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