If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
