Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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