I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can feel your judgement through the phone
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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