Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A bitchslap is in order.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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