it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
