Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
