"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
