Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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