honey bunches of taint.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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