If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
