That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
