you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
