pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
