she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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