I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
