From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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