rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
