he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize