When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
