i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
