After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
