foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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