I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
