Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
