i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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