420 ftw
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
