Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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