Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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