Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Bring me that man meat
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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